


Something Odd (or two times Cas doesn't get why it's different and one time he does)

by sapphirae_escapist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, Men of Letters, POV Second Person, god this ship will be the death of me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphirae_escapist/pseuds/sapphirae_escapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few times Castiel registers something's odd but doesn't get why until he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Odd (or two times Cas doesn't get why it's different and one time he does)

**Author's Note:**

> I read on tumblr that Misha said Cas will get laid with a random chick next season but no romance will be involved. And yeah, after the first few waves of fury because frankly, how uncharacteristic is that?! I came up with at least a dozen speculative ideas and scenarios as to how it could still be destiel. This is one.

The first time you realize something is different is when he asks you about your previous night.

Sure thing; ever since The Fall _everything_ is different. Beginning with the whole Fall-thing. It wasn't your choice but your mistake of trusting Metatron. You just wanted to help.

But as Dean not so kindly pointed out, you always want to help but eventually end up making things worse.

But this time, this time it's something you're sure has nothing to do with how unfamiliar you are with the concept of being human. This time it is different. The look in Dean's eyes as you say it, the change in the atmosphere of the room in the Men of Letters bunker, Sam's positure as it goes tense.

'I've slept with a woman' you say, and Dean's mouth hangs open and he blinks three times before he asks back.

'Say that again?' It's not a real question, but you obey. Like you have no choice. You really can't decide, these days- the War in Heaven was because you listened to Dean, the fiasco with Metatron was because you didn't listen to Dean. You really can't decide whether you should listen to him or not anymore.

This time, you do.

'I've slept with a woman' you repeat, like they haven't heard it the first time. You don't understand why they are so surprised as it is a perfectly valid reason to why not being at home all night, an issue Dean was very persuasive on.

Last night you had an argument with Dean, and he forbid you to drink more- another thing he's being very serious about, and you just don't understand; you still drink less than Dean does- and you went out frustrated, stubborn, determined to get to somewhere where they sell alcohol. And there she was, and she invited you to a drink, then to her apartment, then to her bed.

It was exactly what Dean would have done.

But Dean seems unable to say anything else, so it's Sam who breaks the silence.

'Did you enjoy it?'

'SAM.'

You flinch at the power behind that word even if it's not directed at you.

'What?'

'Just don't.'

Dean won't look at you and it feels worse than a stab to your ribs. You know because the first time you met he stabbed you right there. That was less painful. But that, you could understand. This time it's beyond your comprehension.

You don't know whether or not you should answer, but you do anyway.

'It was... interesting.'

'Interesting? Cas, sex is _not_ interesting. It's good or bad or awesome...'

'It was neither. And it's not like I have a comparison basis...' After catching the expression on Dean's face you add: 'I don't understand. Why is this a problem?'

Dean then looks at you, and suddenly it feels like he is the Righteous Man again. Like he could smite you just by looking. But there's something else there... hurt, maybe? You are unsure; ever since you're human you have difficulty reading emotions. At least when you were an angel you saw souls, souls that shone bright even at daylight, especially Dean's soul. Now it's all dark and quiet.

That's why you went with her. You hoped she'd change that. You hoped she would distract you, at least temporarily, from your misery.

It's what Dean did when he came back from Hell. He drank and slept with women and you hoped it would help you too.

You were wrong, though.

 'You seriously don't know? You have no idea why sleeping with someone you've just met in God knows where... you've never been with anyone, Cas! Do you at least know her name?'

You are lost, but now there's rage in you too. You hoped Dean would be, if not proud, at least content. A few years back it was him who took you to a brothel, mainly against your will, to prevent you from dying as a virgin. He should be satisfied that now you wouldn't, whatever happens next.

'Well at least it wasn't Chastity' you fire back, and realize it was the wrong thing to say as Dean takes a sharp breath and is out of the room in the blink of an eye.

You just don't understand.

 

The next weeks, until the second time, he gives you the Silent Rage Treatment. You know how he works, for once you put him back together, know him down to his last atom; besides he is your friend. And you know him. When he cares too much and the people he cares for make mistakes he gets angry.

This is nothing like that. This is disappointment mixing with anger, and you know this behavior as well. He gave it to Sam when he drank demon blood; he gave it to you when you made a deal with Crowley. Maybe it’s the Silent Rage Against The Ones Conspiring With Demons Treatment? But this time you didn’t made a deal with a demon. So it’s different.

Anyways, he barely looks at you, seemingly hates being in the same room with you, and only talks to you when it is absolutely unavoidable. Odd.

That is, until the second time.

 

The second time is when you get injured.

You have been injured before, even as a human, but this time it's different. The Wendigo you are after throws you to a wall, and is ready to rip your heart out when Dean fires from the back and the beast collapses. Your ribs hurt. Breathing hurts. Everything hurts. Even the humiliation hurts that you are no longer an angel, no longer in power to smite everything that threatens you, no longer in power to instantly heal yourself.

Or others, for that matter. A thin line of blood is dropping from Dean's forehead as he crouches down in front of you.

'What the hell, Cas?!' he exclaims, and it feels like a shout in the quiet of the cave. Sam is nowhere around, he's probably scanning the place for survivors or other threats. Your head aches and your vision swims. 'You were supposed to be watching the other exit, not come back here and play hero!'

'I wasn't playing hero' you try and probably say it too, but you are not sure. You feel blood in your mouth. 'It was about to attack you from the back. I distracted it.'

A faint shadow of a smile then appears in his face as he cups your head in his hands and examines your wounds. 'I know, idiot' He says. 'But who will save my stupid ass again if you die here?'

You don't understand. Dean's anger, yes. He's like this with Sam often, you are used to that. But this gentleness, the way he helps you to your feet, the way he expresses over and over again how much he needs you even though you're useless, you're powerless, you're just a burden to carry out of duty... or are you not? Could you be more than that? Could Dean care because of something else?

You want to answer “ _at least I wouldn't die a virgin_ ” but decide against it and thank him instead. He looks at you funnily, but the smile doesn't leave his eyes.

You don't understand, but at least it makes you feel like your heart is twice its normal size, which is biologically quite impossible, but as you have learned already in your brief life as a human, it isn't even the strangest thing your body does. 

 

The third time it happens is when you are on a regular hunt again. These are rare occasions, as the Winchesters' number one problem is dealing with the Kingless Hell and the Fallen Angels, but when something happens close to the bunker (like that Wendigo case a few weeks back), you take it. It, strangely enough, calms the brothers. They say it is because this way they can help people instantly. It's also something they are good at and they can do even with hands tied behind their backs. (When you mention your opinion about that method being slightly unprofessional, they just shake their heads like you've said something funny. You probably have.)

So you are investigating in what turns out to be a simple haunted house. The owner is a young man in his twenties, just got his diploma and started his work at a local office. He needs to be distracted while his house is being searched for an old pair of glasses- beloved belonings of the former owner, now haunting spirit of the building.

The odd thing is that Dean volunteers to distract the man. Sam just gives him a look and nods in agreement, so that he and you can go to the place. More oddly is how Dean asks the man out to a date. Sure, it's not a "let’s eat dinner and have sex" date, more like a "let's have lunch and have smart talk and see if we want to repeat" kind-of date, as Sam explains to your questions on the way to the house.

But it's different. Because before… before… Dean would have invented a fake winning announcement on the lottery to get the man out of the way. Or would have made Sam to do the upholding part. But now he volunteers to go on a date. Work-date, but date nevertheless.

'Why would he volunteer go on a date?' you ask Sam.

He gives you a funny look. You are on the receiving end of those a lot nowadays.

'Well, why not? It's the middle of the day, so we're safe from the hauntings which have always happened at night, and we can take care of this. Why shouldn't he have some fun?'

You nod at that because that is perfectly logical.

Except when you have found and burned the glasses and settle for a celebratory drink in the motel you are staying in, Dean announces he's going out. On a date. With the same man. And this is definitely the "let's have dinner and sex immediately after" type.

'Victory sex?' Sam asks nonchalantly from behind his book.

'Victory sex' Dean grins and doesn't look at you as he exits.

'Sam, I thought Dean was heterosexual' you say dumbly and cause Sam to put his book down after the door is closed behind Dean.

'No, he's not. He's bi, I think. I didn't know it until recently, to be honest, and I don't think he did either. Why?' he asks back as he sees your brows furrow. 'I thought you are not the judgmental kind.'

'I am not judging, I just...'

And then it hits you. It hits you in the head so hard you start to wonder how could you be so blind for so long.

Dean loves you.

He cares for you even when you're powerless and useless because he loves you.

He's mad at you taking too many painkillers after an injury or drinking too much because he loves you.

He doesn't want you to become the Castiel he saw when Zachariah showed him 2014 because he loves you like _this_ , he loves you.

He's hurt when you sleep with a nameless woman because he loves you; he wanted your first to be something special, something important, with someone who loves you.

Like him.

He simply loves you.

And you are in love with him. Of course, that is far from a surprise, but it hits you like a lightning.

Everything makes sense: why nothing else matters when he is there. Why sex doesn't matter when it's not him. Why his opinion means the world to you.

You jump and you are out of the room before Sam could say another word. The Impala is already gone, but you are lucky, and of course you are for having someone in your life like him, and you spot the car at the end of the road at a gas station. You run all the way and reach the car just as Dean is done with paying.

He looks at you, startled, worried.

'Cas, is everything OK? Has something happened?'

'I was a fool' you admit, and you are suddenly out of breath and nervous like you've never been. You could be wrong, but you don't think you are. Absent Father in Heaven above; you _hope_ you are not.

'What? Why?'

'I... I don't want you to have victory sex with that man' you confess, going for honesty in this case.  
Something like annoyance mixed with hope flickers through his face defensively.

'Yeah? And why is that?'

'I... _I_ want to have victory sex with you. And not just victory sex, but all kinds of sex. And more. I want to be with you.'

For a moment you wish you still had your powers, that you could still strap your wings and disappear, because he is not replying, his features are unreadable and you must have said something wrong, you must have misread this, you must have messed this up...

Then his lips are on yours, his hands grip you tight and he clings to you like he never wants to let go.

And you smile because you will never let go. Never again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, first time I use this sort-of POV and present tense, so it was quite fun to write- what do you think?  
> Also this is me trying to cope with the fear that the end!verse might come true with a fallen and very possibly depressed Castiel. Huhh.
> 
> UPDATE: ahh, I haven't seen S9 but I know there's a scene with Dean cupping Cas's face so NOT OUT OF CHARACTER HERE wishes may come true.


End file.
